Vast, brilliant, and brave

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I love this, but too often I am not. I am small and cozy and homey instead. I am sturdy. I think this is what I aspired to as a young person, and maybe I’ll be vast and brilliant someday again, but right now I am Mommy and student and wife. I am not going into a profession that lends itself to vast brilliance either. Nursing just doesn’t seem to be that kind of field. I can make a difference in people’s lives, but vast and brilliant at work? Maybe.

I think this has more to do with living your life instead of letting it just go on past. I tend to drift on the cosmic currents. I wander around some until all of the sudden I find myself somewhere, and it’s usually right where I belong. I have wandered successfully many times now. It’s how I found myself in nursing school. But this feels like the right place for me. I am content.

One thing that I am guilty of is not siezing chances when they come. I had the chance to go to Italy (twice!) and I always found “better” uses for the money. I have passed up chances for jobs and trips and chosen home and family instead. That’s just who I am and what I value most. Here’s the thing though:

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I have kids. I need to take some chances and live my life out loud so that they know what’s possible. At least live a life larger than just home and family. They need to know that it’s OK to go out into the world and explore; to make mistakes and fall on your face as long as you get up and keep going. 

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